Lucky

I’m stuck at home with the dog. It’s hard for me to go out except to take her for a walk because I feel like I’m not walking out alone (which is actually the case – I have my dog with me).

Those dreams haunt me every night: I’m a college student but I fail at everything and my schoolmates are harsh with me. In real life, I obtained my Degrees. Or I’m at work and I’m overwhelmed by the red tape. In real life I’m still on sick leave.

I’ve had panic attacks again.

And also, I keep thinking about “my downfall”. What if I had remained disabled? What if I was very badly handicaped? I mean not only being unable to walk, but even worse!

I have always said my life was shitty, at least since I was 12, but nowaday I surprise myself thinking – and believing! – that I am so lucky.

My back hurts once in a while and my right groin is painful when I cross my legs or lifts my right leg to get in the car. But I’m fine. Really. I’m lucky.

Advertisements

Practising drawing (2)

gothiclolita
Click to enlarge!

 I used to tell myself that I’d rather not draw than draw something unperfect. WTF? (I also thought once that my past had too many imperfections in it to keep my life going but it’s a whole new story). Now I keep every single sketch I make. I practise as much as I can and if the outcome is great, well, good for me, if not, let’s try again. The act of improving oneself is at least as much important as the improvement, if not more!