Hiatus

output_xulegbgifI know, it’s been a while, almost one month. What’s happened?

Well, my friend with the brain tumor had to be hospitalized because of her new treatment. She texted me she was out and better a few days ago. Phew. I was really scared.

My former teacher on Facebook doesn’t want to answer any of my private messages or comments anymore. I felt sad, I cried, I felt a heavy weight on my chest…no explanation. I did all I could to reach out to her, but it’s no longer up to me. I have to accept the situation.

I have started taking singing lessons! I did so when I was 15, but I decided I had to train and practise again with someone qualified, and she genuinely thinks I have some potential.

I’m seing Mr Handsome (my physiotherapist) for massages after suffering from groin and back pain for months.

I have another job in sight, part time, other workplace.

In other words, life goes on!

Good news

After agonizing about my friend’s health whilst not getting any contact with her, I eventually managed to join her on the phone yesterday. She’s entered a new medical protocol that seems to have been working so far, so fingers crossed.

As for me I’m getting in touch with friends again: my BFF and I met in my hometown a few days ago and on thursday a girl friend I met like 10 years ago on the WWW who I haven’t seen for a while is coming with her boyfriend.

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100 followers+ and random stuff

followed-blog-100-2x This blog  eventually got over 100 followers and though it’s only a blog, I am happy that people around the world enjoy participating in my virtual life and keep updated about my real life.

I use the internet a lot to keep in touch with friends bc they live in various cities and traveling has gotten dificult over the years with my hindering anxiety. Sometimes I feel I can take the train, but most days I’m not brave enough.

Apart from that, I have had no news of my friend with a brain tumor and I keep telling myself that she’s just on holiday, and not meander into darker thoughts about her condition. Worrying won’t help, so why worry?

I keep sketching here and then with an alteration in the quality from one sketch to another.

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Socializing

Yesterday I was scolded by my parents – at age 32, well almost, yes – because I was crying over my friend’s disease.

The thing is I have no friend where I live, and being home alone overthinking all day is no good for me. My parents are right about the fact that crying won’t help my friend and proposed me to help them with the easiest part of their work at their workplace (it’s difficult to explain, but they can ask anybody’s help as a volunteer where they work).

Today they were too busy to show me the work, but I could chat with their colleagues, which seems to kick start my social life again.

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admit time flew faster today and I felt less overwhelmed by the weight of the bad news I received one week ago. Of course I do think about my friend. But I try to be hopeful.

Worries

It’s been 4 days since I haven’t been able to join my ill friend by phone or e-mail.

I can be the embodiment of anxiety when it comes to serious illness.

On the other hand, I don’t want her or her family to feel harrassed.

I dunno how I am going to handle this on the long term. She doesn’t want to give me her mobile number as she knows I can be harrassing with the ones I love.

But it would be less intrusive if I sent a sms from time to time and she answered “I’m OK”.

Update

I keep losing weight. It’s not too bad ATM but I must stop this loss and manage to at least maintain. I have lost my apetite; but getting sick won’t help her heal. I would give my life for hers but it’s not the way it works. On the contrary, I must – and I promised her to – take care of myself and cling to life, just like she too, promised me to.

I dressed alternative/personal style though I wasn’t willing to at first. But taking care of me starts with taking care of my appearance. I even put some make up.

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I love her so much, I don’t want to lose her.