Relief

 Exit Marine Le Trump

I won’t be talking about the French elections but…

Don’t want a Marine Le Trump as my president.

#merdeinfrance 

LGBTQ+ post (bigots look away)

Stef Sanjati is a twenty-something Canadian Youtuber who addresses the topic of transgender issues as a transwoman herself. She also updates her transitioning process for her viewers and recently had a FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery).

I have been following Stef for quite a while on various social media : Instagram, Youtube, Twitter…and her physical – and psychological – transformation thanks to estrogen prescriptions, testosterone blockers and the latter which I already talked about: Facial Feminization Surgery. She insists on the fact that FFS is not a whim and has nothing to do with cosmetic surgery. In fact, its aim is to treat her gender dysphoria, a destructive feeling that what she sees in the mirror is not who she really is: that is, a woman.

Moved by her story and fascinated by this brilliant make-up artist I started making fan art, from the day Stef started T-blockers and had blue and purple hair, through her transitioning when she dyed her hair a green and blonde ombre and finally set up for Californian blonde, always keeping her natural white streak…white. What you need to also know about Stef is that she has Waardenburg Syndrom, which manifests the following way:

• Very pale or brilliantly blue eyes, eyes of two different colors (complete heterochromia), or eyes with one iris having two different colours (sectoral heterochromia)
• A forelock of white hair (poliosis), or premature graying of the hair
• Appearance of wide-set eyes due to a prominent, broad nasal root (dystopia canthorum)—particularly associated with Type I) also known as telecanthus
• Moderate to profound hearing loss (higher frequency associated with Type II);
• A low hairline and eyebrows that meet in the middle (synophrys)
• Patches of white skin pigmentation, in some cases (…)

[Source: http://www.wikipedia.org]

She is ok with it and even jokes about her “cute alien face”.

I thought her peculiar features (even after FFS, which didn’t dramatically change her appearance) were interesting to study for drawing.

I was honored to get “likes” from her on the pictures of her I posted on my Instagram account. Other artists have made her their muse and have made extraordinary beautiful artwork inspired by Stef.

This post features a sample of the portraits I made of Stef, the latest one including her very cool and understanding parents.

I am not going to stop here and while Stef continues to stand for who she is and transition I will try to improve my drawing skills using her awesome physical features as an inspiration as well as getting more and more educated about transgenderism in a world where prejudice against LGBTQ people are still very stigmatizing.

I wish Stef all the very best in her life and gives her a big thumb up for being a great advocate of the trans community as well as – I am sure of it – saving miserable trans kids’ lives who consider committing suicide because of the lack of acceptance, mockery and hatred towards them.

I hope I too have opened some people’s minds through my post.

Pro-ana vs fatspo (vlog)

How Goth can be a positive thing?

First of all, I will begin this post by telling everyone that I am not a “real” Goth, because I don’t really like the music and according to many Goths I talked to, music and the scene are mainly what make you Goth. That being said, I could be considered as a “Nu goth“, someone who dresses  gothy but doesn’t listen to the music.

Yes I like corsets, lace, velvet, black velvet, burgundy velvet, spikes, skulls; I also like the comic character “Nemi”, horror films and Halloween. I know Evanescence and Within Temptation are not Goth bands but metal bands, I read enough of The Goth Bible to know that Christian Death, Siousie Sioux, Bauhaus…are Goth bands, but I don’t like their music and I won’t force myself into listening to it to feel “Goth enough”.

That being said, let’s go back to my title: How Goth can be a positive thing? Indeed, too many people believe that Goth subculture is about self harm, depression and suicide, Death worship or worse, Devil worship.

I’ve been through hell, really: I’ve been suffering from depression, anxiety, social phobia, bullying, possibly borderline personality disorder, spent time in a psych ward, tried to kill myself several times.

But this has NEVER had to do with my involvement in the Goth subculture; instead, wearing dark clothes with skulls and spikes helped me express my pain in another way than self-harming. Watching horror movies was a way to increase adrenaline without putting myself in danger. Nemi is very funny, in a sarcastic way, I had a good time reading the comic books. Halloween fills me with joy and energy, I decorate the house, dress up to welcome the trick or treaters at my door…

When I started recovering after being stuck in a wheelchair due to a 2-storey fall, the first thing I wanted to do was to put on my black and red Queen of Darkness long skirt, a black velvet top and get my streaks dyed red again.

I HAVE NEVER worshipped any kind of evil entity; I don’t belong to a religion, but I believe in the Divine, a universal energy of Light and unconditional love.

To me, Goth is a way to express my darker creativity without harming myself or anyone else.

Too bad

All I can say is I will say nothing about the US elections until we know the score of our right wing party here in France. I just hope the French won’t be tempted to vote for the French female version of Trump.

My precious digital life

Like I said I don’t meet friends flesh and blood very often so to compensate I tend to have lots of digital interactions with people from the Net.

The girl I told you about who came to visit me with her bf is a long term digital relationship. I met her through her blog 10 years ago and she was very genuine in her writing, maybe a little bit too much personal on the WWW, but so was I at the time. We’ve met IRL no more than 5 times but we often keep in touch.

And then there are people who are more or less famous – mainly on Youtube – and seem charismatic and they help you learn and think about society issues/topics through their own personal experience: Religion, depression, trans life, alternative fashion…and it’s very nurturing to the mind and to the soul. Sometimes I like to draw fan art for them, like trans (M to F) girl Stef.Sanjati who I have been following for a while now.

All these people who don’t know me are part of my life, not as friends but as role models and inspirational individuals.

Pathetic

When you have a shitty day because you realized someone you like joined Facebook and they don’t answer your friend request.

Thank you readers! 500 likes

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Tricked

I like watching “social” documentaries. Netflix provides some. I chose to play Tricked which deals with prostitution and sexual slavery.

Now I heard some pros and cons about prostitution. Some girls say they have chosen to earn a living through selling their bodies, others say that prostitution helps contain some pervs’ urges and that if there were no more prostitutes they would sexually assault girls against their will.

I’m not judgemental about the girls who do this for a living, but this documentary clearly shows the downsides: the risks, the violence, abuse, disrespect, manipulation etc.

I’m glad I could clearly avoid this trap, because my parents have money (although I did work a student job in a museum every weekend and during the holiday), because I have always been prude and even at some point scared about sex, because I wasn’t hooked on drugs etc. so I did not go down this dreadful path.