June 2018 – caerulea lanterna

My dead friend’s book release

Published on June 29, 2018 by Lux2 Comments

Yesterday I got a copy of the book of the friend who killed herself last March 17th and that was published after her death. Her book / son livre

We were several friends waiting for this moment, and we all regret she was not here to celebrate the release with her.

Her long battle with mental illness ended up not the way we’d have wanted for her, but the sales will fund an association for teens and young adult with mental health issues. I think she has done everything that was possible to give sense to her life, pain, and death.

Old projects

Published on June 27, 2018 by LuxLeave a comment

It’s a bit hard for me to focus on new projects ATM bc I have had dark times. Yesterday I even gave a tantrum in my shrink’s practise about my uncertain future, life, expectations… I used to have a “regular job”, to be “a normal person” or at least to fake it and go to work, do my job, go home. But I was rejected / criticized about the consequences of my unwanted disability. So yeah I’m still on sick leave. But I’m not the kind of person who enjoy staying at home being a couch potato. It’s just that it’s hard for me to even pass my door. Social phobia…and also I realized something very triggering with the help of my shrink: I am scared of my own self. Since my brain once commanded me to jump off the top of a building, now it is “scared” of my own reactions. I don’t plan to hurt myself at all. But my brain believes I will endanger myself, so that’s why it tells me it is safer to stay at home.

For now I am finishing old projects I started long ago like this unicorn.

june unicorn