How Goth can be a positive thing?

First of all, I will begin this post by telling everyone that I am not a “real” Goth, because I don’t really like the music and according to many Goths I talked to, music and the scene are mainly what make you Goth. That being said, I could be considered as a “Nu goth“, someone who dresses  gothy but doesn’t listen to the music.

dscn9528

Yes I like corsets, lace, velvet, black velvet, burgundy velvet, spikes, skulls; I also like the comic character “Nemi”, horror films and Halloween. I know Evanescence and Within Temptation are not Goth bands but metal bands, I read enough of The Goth Bible to know that Christian Death, Siousie Sioux, Bauhaus…are Goth bands, but I don’t like their music and I won’t force myself into listening to it to feel “Goth enough”.

12107091_10153775657294432_3952236355035208857_n

That being said, let’s go back to my title: How Goth can be a positive thing? Indeed, too many people believe that Goth subculture is about self harm, depression and suicide, Death worship or worse, Devil worship.

I’ve been through hell, really: I’ve been suffering from depression, anxiety, social phobia, bullying, possibly borderline personality disorder, spent time in a psych ward, tried to kill myself several times.

But this has NEVER had to do with my involvement in the Goth subculture; instead, wearing dark clothes with skulls and spikes helped me express my pain in another way than self-harming. Watching horror movies was a way to increase adrenaline without putting myself in danger. Nemi is very funny, in a sarcastic way, I had a good time reading the comic books. Halloween fills me with joy and energy, I decorate the house, dress up to welcome the trick or treaters at my door…

When I started recovering after being stuck in a wheelchair due to a 2-storey fall, the first thing I wanted to do was to put on my black and red Queen of Darkness long skirt, a black velvet top and get my streaks dyed red again.

I HAVE NEVER worshipped any kind of evil entity; I don’t belong to a religion, but I believe in the Divine, a universal energy of Light and unconditional love.

To me, Goth is a way to express my darker creativity without harming myself or anyone else.

No love life

I don’t know if I addressed this problem before, but I have never really been in a romantic relationship with someone, be it a girl or a man.

There are however people who mean a lot to me in my life and for whom my feelings are confused and confusing.

All I want is to keep in touch.

But for some of them, it is already too much. One of them used to chat with me and support me and laughed with me on social media and then suddenly decided it was over.

Even the smallest I have/had is not for granted.

I only have romantic relationships in my dreams. How pathetic is that?

Update

I haven’t read a novel in weeks (actually I’ve been reading the same book about laicity, and how to apply it in the French society, schools and workplaces without offending religious people – very interesting).

I haven’t drawn anything in a few days and I need practising again or my ability will  remain unimproved.

Work is going fine. But I can’t figure myself starting work early in the morning yet, so I need my medically required part-time to be carried forward for at least six more months.

Regarding my mental health, it’s fine. I haven’t really been depressed or anxious in quite a long time, except when thinking about people who seem to have let me down, but c’est la vie.