It’s complicated

Words are not cheating, at least I think so.

But they can be so triggering. So, talking about s**, which I never had with anyone, with someone I fancy but who is faithful to his spouse is…emotionaly draining. And I apologised for being seducive, to which he answered it’s his responsability to not respond to my seducive behaviour.

But -I do think- had he given in to my seducive behaviour, he would not have been the only guilty person.

Somewhere, somehow, I was excited but terrified at the idea of having new sessions with him. Before the session starts is excruciatingly trying, the session is pleasant, but after the session it feels miserable.

So we have lust, frustration, guilt feelings, abandonment and longing. And that’s not what I want our relationship to do to me.

I need to channel my feelings in a better way.

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