OOTD Pastel goth

Days have been pretty good or at least not bad. I ate out with family, did some thriftshopping, viewed interesting videos on Youtube, interacted with my webfamily and even managed to draw some of the web-personalities/friends I am folowing. I must owe this to the Internet that it enables to have the shadow of a social life instead of no social life at all. And sometimes @friends can be like real friends and real comfort.

Blood test

So I got the results to the blood test I took a couple days ago and it appears that I have several deficiencies, mainly regarding the iron levels. I take iron pills besides my (heavy) psych treatment and I have an appointement to the docs soon to see what can be done to treat those deficiencies (maybe pills, maybe some special diet, or both).

I admit a sticky fatigue has struck me for a while now and I need to take care of my body which has already been through a lot. Not to mention I will undergo surgery again in March to my right elbow.

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X-ray

Today I had a Xray to check if my right hip (I had a hip replacement) is OK and it appeared it’s fine!

That’s a relief even though I was sure everything is ok, since I can move like a normal person without feeling any pain.

One step after the other

I realized I can’t project my future; it’s too scary. I have to enjoy the now, live one day after the other, be it good, bad or in between.

I know I have to think about my redeployment. I want to have this busy life again and I fear it at the same time. I just know I can’t stay at home for the rest of my life. I have bad dreams about working again, dreams that involve me being overwhelmed and unable to work properly. I hope this shall pass.

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What’s wrong with me?

I’ve been spending time home alone watching series, trouble is, focusing has been so hard. Before I burnt out at work, I could really get into almost anything I was watching, but afterward focusing on and actually enjoying the series/films had become impossible. Now it fluctuates, and it scares me somehow because I’m fed up with surfing the Web all day and watching series in English was something that made the day pass much more quickly – except I MUST be able to focus.

Weather’s better today, think I should take a walk.

OOTD

I bought these high knees from a seller on alittlemarket.com (a French website like Etsy) and they are really nice. They are handmade, good quality, hyper high and not too tight. I’ve been dressing gothy for so many days now. It makes me feel good. It doesn’t reflect any negative thoughts or feelings, on the contrary!

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What’s up(2)?

Yesterday I reached the maximum weight I allow myself to weigh and I was almost panicky. I ate lots of low-cal food and skipped everything with fat and sugar (or almost did), exercised, and was relieved this morning when I saw I lost like, 1 pound? I know this sounds silly. But I have always been slender except when I was a “puppy fat” baby and after spending 3 months and a half in a wheelchair (I was very bloated). And yet I am all for fat acceptance and pride, it’s just that…not for me.