I haven’t been drawing in a while. I did not feel in the mood; my hand would not grab a pencil and doodle. Even after the attacks in Paris I couldn’t doodle something to express my sympathy. Eventually today I grabbed my pencil again a doodled this angel of peace.
I think I had never been so scared for my country since the French right wing extremist leader was nearly elected.
He’s in a relationship and got 3 kids. On the pretext of joking I proposed him to make me lose my virginity to him which he politely refused. I’m just so pathetic. He’s the only man in my whole life with whom I have ever wanted to…whatever. I’m just one fucking more patient. And their are only 9 sessions left. Another farewell is coming. I want to sleep until my life gets exciting and painless.
I think I’m outgrowing the grudge and the emotional pain. I don’t like the grudge – it hurts, it spoils the best I had from the relationship, it makes you see everything in black whereas there was also a lot of white in it. People sometimes leave, actually, most of them do. I have to stay alive for those who did not leave and do want me in their lives.
I’m still in recovery and I had to deal with the ending of two friendly relationships, one of them I think I’ll never mend and as for the other one I am not sure at all.
I try to cling to the people who did not let me down to not get drown because I come from such a long painful way that I don’t want to fuck up my recovery. No way.