Don’t jump (or overdose on pills or slice your wrists or do yourself any harm)

wheelchair

This is me last Christmas a few weeks after I jumped from the top of an emergency staircase and crashed on the floor 6 meters below thus breaking part of my hip and the head of my femur. I stayed 3 months and a half in a wheelchair. I couldn’t pee or poo on my own, I hardly ever get out of the house because my dad who was in charge of me had a bad back, hence he couldn’t often drive me outside, I needed the help of nurses to wash me and dress me and I often wore pyjamas or sweatpants instead of the lovely alternative clothes I liked so much. I tried to focus on TV shows but my treatment made it difficult for me to follow the shows. I had to sleep in a medical bed in the living room.

Today I can walk again but have a limpy leg and some thigh pains sometimes. Think twice before you try to kill yourself…

Life goes on

These last days/weeks have been quite good except for some downs and a panic attack. My life is back to “normal”, but the trauma of the worst relapse I ever had, which lasted several months, is still here. I try to seize the day and not think about the future and especially about future pain. Cos I do know there will be more pain because c’est la vie, but I don’t want to think it’s gonna happen anytime soon or that it will be as bad as the last relapse was. Also I am still in touch with my beloved physiotherapist and former linguistics teacher, both of whom I have deep feelings for. It’s only a few words on FB or a SMS but it always makes my day.