On beauty

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I need to surround myself with beauty. I have a lifestyle/home decor/fashion blog and I follow similar blogs because they give me inspiration. I like taking pictures of things I find pretty, alter/enhance them a bit when necessary (I DO NOT alter the bodies shapes however). I like most of what is conventionally called “beautiful” but also “alternative” beauty. Some find graffitis ugly, I like them. I like brightly coloured hair, I like goth fashion, punk fashion. I also love fine art and romantic outfits, I can see beauty in a large range of things that surround us.

 

A surge in creativity

I have found safe ways to fight boredom / to keep me busy. First of all, I have started to play video games – in moderation – again. I had forgotten how they help you stop agonising over your life and everything around you. You just focus on the game, you enjoy it, you’re in a safe bubble. I avoid anything violent, I prefer Sonic the hedgehog or Jewel quest.

Also, the creative part of me seems to be back to the surface. I had fun sewing a shabby doll and a heart filled with flaxseeds. It’s not haute couture, but again, it keeps me busy and I enjoy the time I spend doing it. Eventually, I started painting again. I need to practise to not lose my gift.

I wish I felt serene and artistic like that all the time. Image

Making-up

I think my therapy is “plateauing”. It helped me a lot in the past, helped me cure my depression which is absolutely great, but regarding the anxiety and the feeling of relative weariness, it seems to not be that useful.

My family seems more helpful. They support me, encourage me and most of all, love me. Things are not easy at the moment, I was the victim of work discrimination and am getting into a lawsuit, and I admit I could not take it on my own. I take it a day at a time, trying to enjoy the now, even if sometimes yesterday’s pain comes back into my face and thoughts about my future cause panic attacks.

I think I have finally understood that I absolutely must not wait for my life to be perfect to start enjoying it. There will always be misfortune, upheavals, loneliness and other issues, but I must focus on the good in my life to not spoil it.

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