Co-dependency

I was not a spoilt child. Firstly, because my parents did not have much money at the time. Secondly, they taught us the value of honestly-earned money. And thirdly, because as long as I had sheets of paper and crayons, I was happy, for I loooved drawing, and thanks God it’s cheap.

No, I did not so much need things. But I needed exclusive love. From my mum in the first place. How jealous I was when my brother was born. Later I became co-dependant on my female teachers. When you’re past 16, 18, 20, that’s a disorder. I suffered from this co-dependency for about 10 years. I harrassed the teachers I loved. I had panic attacks and withdrawal symptoms when I couldn’t be with them. I phoned (some of) them, mailed them, and could even speak aloud, addressing them while they were not here (!). I still do that sometimes, but less often. I also talk to God, or the divine, whatever you call It.

You probably go through the same but with a girlfriend or a boyfriend. You think you’re just in love. But trust me, when the relationship brings about more pain and insanity than it gives happiness, that’s neither safe nor sane.

Someone once told me (and I read it again in a wise book a few days ago): Are you good company to yourself? Because the person you’re going to spent the most time with is yourself. And I’m sorry if my words hurt, but nobody can be there for and support you 24/7 if you’re not good company to yourself, meaning if you don’t respect yourself, trust yourself, love yourself, and treat yourself with happiness.

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