About plus size

I’m slim. I like being slim. I have  been skinny, but then I was sick. So I prefer to be “normal slim”, with a normal BMI. I have gained weight, my thighs are no longer stick thin, my ass is more curvy and I (almost) have no more fucking thigh gap. And yet, people still compliment me on how slim I am. I would lie if I’d say I am not flattered.

BUT.

I am totally FOR fat pride, body acceptance at any size; the disappearance of emaciated models on the catwalk; the end of photoshopped photographs of women in magazines; the increase in plus size models. I don’t wanna be the slim one who does fat shaming, because I know people who got ill (anorexia, bulimia, self-harm, depression) from being teased about their weight. And this is not acceptable.

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Now or never

Dress up. Do not care about your body shape. Do not wait until you lose weight/have no more pimples/have bigger boobs to dress up and make yourself beautiful. Emphasize on what you like about your body. Play with your hair: get nice hairdoes, haircuts, dye them if you like. Do it Now. Not when you’re “perfect”. Because you may never feel perfect enough and may never take care of your appearance in the end.

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I’m no longer expecting anyone to save me. I know I have to count on myself, or at least, the divine in me. It was something my mind agreed with, but my heart was still longing for “the one”. Now I’m gonna stand for myself and treat myself to happiness, and if love comes in the way, that’s a bonus, not the end in sight.

Art

DSCN0642Recently I met someone I know from drawing classes I took as a teen. She asked me if I still drew and I said I did less and less. She thinks it is a pity because I drew beautifully, she said. I don’t quite know why I stopped drawing daily like I used to in high school. I was obsessed with drawing without a model (a live one, or a photograph) but unfortunately I never succeeded in making astonishingly beautiful artwork like that girl I fancied, so I felt a bit demotivated. Then I focused on learning languages, and I started taking pictures instead of drawing. But It’d be nice to go back to it, whatever the outcome.

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Bronnie Ware wrote a book entitled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Before it is too late for you, you may want to know what they are to change the way you live your life if you aren’t happy:

  • I wish I had lived my life the way I wanted, not in a way that pleased others
  • I should have worked less
  • I wish I had expressed my feelings more often
  • I wish I had kept in touch with my friends
  • I wish I had treated myself to more happiness

More on her website.

Stuff that made me feel good today

  • After I argued with my mum over something trivial, I decided to calm down. I felt a bit floppy and tense at the same time, so I played relaxing music and lay in bed for more than an hour. I did not sleep, I only dozed, but I felt regenarated after that. I made some coffee and had a cup to warm up and sparkle up my neurotransmitters.
  • Later I played some vampire movie I bought months ago at a yard sale. It was entertaining, and I liked sitting comfy on the couch, my legs covered by a soft warm blanket.Image

Have a bit of Lisbeth Salander in your veins

This blog is mainly about well-being, mental balance and open-heartedness. So why on Earth would I set Lisbeth as an paradigm? She’s antisocial, drinks and smokes way too much, and has real difficulties to express her feelings.

OK. But she’s also a fucking warrior. Despite all she’s been through (her father abused her mother, she was locked in a loony hospital and then raped by her tutor) she never tried to kill herself. Instead, she worked to solve her problems. I am not advising to try and kill those who hurt you! But, like Lisbeth, stand up for yourself. Learn to give, learn to forgive, but only to a certain extend. When the hurt is bigger than the wellness, you have to fight against/deal with/leave behind whatever or whoever causes the hurt. That’s the Lisbeth spirit.Image

Hypoglycemia and panic attacks

mirko A few days ago I bought a book on how to fight depression and anxiety.

I learnt that hypoglycemia (not enough sugar in the blood) can cause panic attacks! I already knew undereating could cause depression and shaking (it did when I was at my lowest) but I totally ignored the symptoms of hypoglycemia.

I eat well. I mean, my food intake is sufficient now. I have three meals a day, plus one or two snacks. Problem is I used to eat breakfast cereal that contains a high rate of simple carbs and hence causes hypoglycemia, especially if you drink lots of coffee in addition, like I do. I used to feel dizzy and shaky, and also panicky around 11am. Not cool. My new cereal contains slow burning carbs (nuts, mainly) and I try to eat a yogurt as well.

Of course, I’ll have to cut down on coffee, and worry less about my work. But this new diet should help.