Hiatus

output_xulegbgifI know, it’s been a while, almost one month. What’s happened?

Well, my friend with the brain tumor had to be hospitalized because of her new treatment. She texted me she was out and better a few days ago. Phew. I was really scared.

My former teacher on Facebook doesn’t want to answer any of my private messages or comments anymore. I felt sad, I cried, I felt a heavy weight on my chest…no explanation. I did all I could to reach out to her, but it’s no longer up to me. I have to accept the situation.

I have started taking singing lessons! I did so when I was 15, but I decided I had to train and practise again with someone qualified, and she genuinely thinks I have some potential.

I’m seing Mr Handsome (my physiotherapist) for massages after suffering from groin and back pain for months.

I have another job in sight, part time, other workplace.

In other words, life goes on!

Lucky

I’m stuck at home with the dog. It’s hard for me to go out except to take her for a walk because I feel like I’m not walking out alone (which is actually the case – I have my dog with me).

Those dreams haunt me every night: I’m a college student but I fail at everything and my schoolmates are harsh with me. In real life, I obtained my Degrees. Or I’m at work and I’m overwhelmed by the red tape. In real life I’m still on sick leave.

I’ve had panic attacks again.

And also, I keep thinking about “my downfall”. What if I had remained disabled? What if I was very badly handicaped? I mean not only being unable to walk, but even worse!

I have always said my life was shitty, at least since I was 12, but nowaday I surprise myself thinking – and believing! – that I am so lucky.

My back hurts once in a while and my right groin is painful when I cross my legs or lifts my right leg to get in the car. But I’m fine. Really. I’m lucky.

Busy not being busy

Here I am home alone again on sick leave.

Work has been tough, mainly because of workplace relationships which I will not go into detail.

So I keep myself busy not being busy. I play with and walk the dog, surf the WWW 90% of the time, watch Netflix and do a little artwork.

This is my first painting on canvas in years. I am not really good at painting on canvas but here we go.

mar canvas (1)